Muscle Talk

Mike Davies Fitness Weekend: Day 1AM

“Speak softly, but carry a big stick…” – Teddy Roosevelt

“… Then use that stupid big stick to make girls do one legged jump squats off a bench 100 times.” – Jaime Filer (about Mike Davies)

ITINERARY:

6:00am – Wake up. Regret life. Not actually, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never been up this early on a Saturday morning, unless it was to catch a flight. Taking my car to a gym in Mississauga is not a flight. I’m confused.

6:10 – Oatmeal and egg whites for breakfast. If I’m going to train like a competitor, I should probably eat like one too, right?

7:30 – Arrive 30min early, and chug Platinum Pre by Optimum Nutrition… The only pre workout strong enough to help me handle a Mike Davies/Melissa Shadd workout on a Saturday morning.

7:32 – Pray that my pre-workout doesn’t come up during the Conditioning portion.

8:00 – Hell begins. Beginning to think that waking up at 6am was the LEAST of my problems today… Assigned to Group 1, meaning we train legs from 8-8:45, then do some sort of torture/cruel & unusual punishment/WTF was that cardio from 8:45-9:30.

TRAINING: 4 x Dumbbell Stiff legged deadlifts s/s with Skier hops from side to side
                    4 x Inertia Squat s/s with DB wide squat
                      4 x 1-leg inertia squats off a bench s/s with 2-legged jump squat
             *** NOW, I regret life. And cheating on my diet ANY time in the past year. I start thinking of all the nice things I should’ve said to my mother/boyfriend before I left, and how I wish I got to spend more time with my friends, and tell them all how much I love them… What’s that, Mike Davies? You say we still have 2 exercises? Ya. Sure. No problem. Be right there. **
                     4 x Walking pulse lunges (lunge down, come up, lunge down, switch feet)
                     4 x 2 diagonal lunges into 2 pop squats for ad/abductors

               CARDIO: 3 minutes - Treadmill warm up 3.5mph
                                   7 minutes - Alternate walking forwards at an incline of 15% and Speed of
                                                     3.5mph, with walking backwards at a speed of 2.0mph
                                   1 minute – Set treadmill to 2.0mph.  Straddle the Treadmill deck, place your hands on the belt, and start walking on your hands only. Feet remain on the outer portion of the deck. Listen to Melissa Shadd yell at you to “KEEP YOUR WEIGHT ON YOUR SHOULDERS, JAIME!” Pretty sure Mike chimed in at some point, too.
                                   9.5 minutes – Run a mile at 6.5mph
                                   ???? minutes – Bear crawls + Running. I lost track of time. Nothing matters except not falling off the treadmill. Perhaps I should’ve spent a little more time working on my conditioning. At this point, I regret every bad choice I’ve ever made, and start atoning for my sins. I wonder briefly wear Melissa and Mike hide their horns and tails. I’m confused. My hands hurt.
                                10 minutes – Cool down at 3.5mph. I start talking to one of the other girls about our competitive plans. I’m pretty sure I’m speaking coherently, but given the fact that all the blood in my body is pooling in my legs, there’s a good chance I sound drunk. I have no recollection of what I said.

10:00 – Leave, and thank Melissa for an amazing morning. Briefly consider running away and crying home to my mom and the Muscle Insider staff, but decide that maybe I should stick around for the afternoon session. I mean… it can’t be as bad as this morning, right…?